Toast Post

Written by contributor Nigel Dexter

Anyone who knows me will realise that my mind doesn’t operate in an entirely sane way all the time. Occasionally I will come up with a completely crazy idea that normal people really shouldn’t consider.

Maybe this is why I found “Are You Dave Gorman?” so amusing, it was an idea that made no sense but which had to be carried out. In its own small way, Toast Post is another of those ideas.

Initially conceived at least two years ago, the aim of Toast Post was to see if you could successfully send toast in the post. The clue is in the title! Anyway, for whatever reason I didn’t actually get around to testing the theory until very recently. Oh why did I wait so long?!

The premise is simple. Toast a slice of bread, stick an address and a stamp on it, bung it in a post box and then wait to see whether Royal Mail can deliver dough via the mail. I checked on the internet for evidence of previous attempts and found this, which to my mind was not only a total failure but not following the spirit of the challenge. What’s the point in putting it in an envelope, the beauty of it is to see whether what is clearly a piece of toast will be delivered or not! An envelope just turns it into any old letter.

I sent two slices out, one back to myself in Southampton and one to my brother in Birmingham. After bunging the Toast Post in the box one evening, it was then just a question of waiting…

Two mornings later, the letterbox on my front door rattled, depositing a letter for someone who doesn’t live in my house, my subscription magazine and, joy of joys, an intact piece of toast! Not only had the toast been collected and delivered, it had survived its journey intact! One nil!

A few minutes later, my joy was doubled by a text message from my bro. Slice Two had successfully completed its journey to Birmingham, and was just as intact as my own piece. Two nil, result! For anyone who doubts that this really happened, check the postmark on Slice Two. It really had been through the system, this is not a set up!

So what is the outcome of the Toast Post story? Well, it restored some of my faith in the Royal Mail, and indeed in society generally. If our postal system can successfully deliver two slices of toast intact, just think of all the other amazing things we can achieve!

Some of you who consider yourselves normal may think Toast Post proves that I should be locked up and kept away from people. But hey, normality’s dull, come into my random world and you never know, you might just like it!

On March 23rd 2006, Adam interviewed me about Toast Post on Echo 106.8 FM.